So it begins. Over the last 2 years (roughly) I’ve been thinking about my future and the type of family that I would like to have. Of course Its necessary to disclose in this case that I am a bisexual male. SN: I don’t believe in labels but for sake of argument, Ill say Im that. I’ve been married to a female, divorced, in a partnership with a male, and now Im here, just here. So over this period of time, I’ve thought about options that I may have, to obtain the family life that I want. Surrogacy is the option I’m leaning toward.
Now, as I’ve done extensive research on surrogacy, it’s procedures, laws, and costs, I think I may be ready to take the first step into this new chapter. When I bring up surrogacy to a friend or family member it’s always “Do you know who you want to have your baby?” Why is this the FIRST question that spews from your mouth? First this was a question I didn’t take much thought to, so I just went ahead and answered, but then I thought. WHY THE HELL DOES THAT MATTER??!! You didn’t ask, “So what does the process entail?”, you didn’t care to know whether or not I felt like this was a good decision. No. You only ask WHO is having my child so you know what to think the child will look like. To those folks I say, find the darkest part of my ass….and plant your lips.
I want to do this a totally different way. Of course when you think of surrogacy, you think of a couple who can’t have children and the woman who is contracted (yes, that’s essentially what the agreement is) to carry your child. In my case, I am a single man, who doesn’t see myself living the rest of my life with either man or woman, so I’m going to opt for an egg bank. I’ll go, browse through a catalog of “possibilities”, choose, and then have my fluids introduces to her egg(s). Here comes the tricky part….actually FINDING someone to hold my precious cargo.
Now, once I get to this point I always stop my train of thought because this is the moment that can either make or break a relationship and even my pockets!
I’ve been counseled and have been informed that with any contract where there are 2 parties and one will be receiving a “reward” at the end, the other party will look to be compensated. Now, this is something anyone should know. Who is going to say, “Hey! Take up some space in my body and alter my appearance for 9 months while I go through female changes. Oh and it’s all FREE!” *sigh* again….if ONLY it were that easy.
Money Money Money…it doesn’t matter how I feel, what I want or HOW i WANT it, essentially, it will come down to the almighty dollar. Generally, these services can range between 5,000 to upwards of 25,000. 25 k being more on the extreme side. All I really am looking for, or want in this case, is a female to carry my lil package for 9 months, and be done with me. The main thing I think of when the financial process comes about is, “Should I make an offer of what I am willing to compensate?” or “Should I allow the surrogate to place a price?” this is tough. I never know what right thing to do is, and in this case it seems situational.
Of course with any new life event, there are aspects in your life that have to be dealt with first. As I’m currently in the process of getting financial and educational aspects of my life in order, I still feel like I have to work on my …. personality. I come off usually with a hard exterior but just like all my CANCERS, I’m a big softie. With children though, I can be quite brash and harsh and I want to soften up my heart a little before I give it to another life I’d be watching over.
There are many worries any new parent would have going in to this type of situation. I’ve decided to put those to the side for now, as I have yet to OFFICIALLY start the process. I just can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have a daughter in the situation I’m in. Think….single father to a daughter, no female in the household, I would FREAK! Not really, because I know I have GREAT women in my family, but I just think about those things that I can’t teach to a young woman. More than that, I want to be the type of man that my daughter uses as a standard, I want her to grow up and when a gentleman approaches her, become confident in the fact that I was a great man in her life and she won’t settle for less. Like I said, these are things to come…I just wonder though.
Overall, I’m pretty excited to even begin researching this event that I’m going to be taking on….I can only hope that with the family I have and the friends who support me, that I will be able to do great things and become a great father to my child.