Here we are at the top of the year and we FINALLY receive a FRESH contribution from our sister Moe aka @Forever_moniii. Now, I love it when she drops by and gives us something to kee kee at. Usually ending the kee in some forward thinking about the topic at hand. This one though, well… get in.
“Pay no attention to skinny girls they have no brain”
Further confirmation that this degree my brainless ass earned is useless.
Listen, lets talk girls because I’m getting just a little bit uncomfortable, I AM fed the F**K up with this bullshit here. The bullshit I’m referring to is this incessant desire to tear each other down to the lowest possible point in a thinly veiled attempt to make ourselves appear superior. The cattiness. The dramatics. The Petti La Belle-ness of it all. It’s exhausting and It’s got to stop. It’s got to stop now. We are raising a new generation of women, and in the age of all things technological the means by which they can spread their misguided hurt and insecurities are plentiful. Cyber bullying is real y’all but these are learned behaviors and it’s becoming more apparent where these behaviors are being learned, The Love and Hip Hop basketball wives of Atlanta divas…right at home.
Let me back this on up like a U-HAUL truck for y’all for just a few moments.
One of my good girlfriends (We’ll call her Barbara) made a post on Facebook (historically known as The Facebook) referencing a question she was asked regarding her impending weight loss surgery. Now I will not put all of Barbara’s business out here like this but I will say this surgery is for health related issues and not inspired by vanity or some desperate need to be thin because the media says thin is the only way to be. Needless to say, my good girlfriend Barb is very confident in her plus sizeness and is quite vocal in expressing her self confidence and self love. Its admirable to see any woman be confident in herself and have healthy self esteem but its even more powerful to know that in that self love one can also recognize that necessary changes may need to be made to make certain achievements.
Back to the story though….
So Barbara was asked if she was scared of the new person she would be after the surgery. She was asked this question by someone who has probably never set foot in Lane Bryant, can’t fit anything in Torrid, doesn’t have to special order her braziers, and probably has no concept of the struggle many women over a size 10 face daily….for lack of a better term a “Skinny girl”. Now as a “Skinny girl” myself I immediately wanted to cape for my thinner brethren as I knew Ms. Barbara was likely to be offended by the question, which prompted the posting in the first place. I wanted to think that perhaps the young lady was referring to the emotional changes that would undoubtedly come with such a dramatic surgery, the emotion of the surgery in itself, the financial changes that are sure to come when it comes time for a new wardrobe. My mind wanted to believe that she was asking anything but are you scared of going from a fat girl to skinny. However, I did not know the young lady and therefore had no way to determine the foundation of her question. Barbara ended her post with a joke about skinny people and their weird questions. Now I took little to no offense to that because I know this girl. That’s my ride or die so we can joke with one another on that level and know it’s all love. Of course I came back at her with a witty quip about the underestimation of skinny girls ability to go ham on a buffet….she laughed….we moved forward amicably….and then….
Duhn duhn duuuuuuuhn…. <———-(my super dramatic climactic music for theatrical feels)
An acquaintance of my good girlfriend Barbara swooped her random ass in and left the nasty remark that began this rant that im about to go in on….blame ol’ girl because I’ve got something to say now!
“Pay no attention to skinny girls they have no brain”….BISH WHET???? ESQUEEZE YOU SWEET MISS! HOE YOU DONE TRIED IT! Now I don’t know this lady from a hole in the head and perhaps that’s why I took immediate offense to the comment. She very well could have been joking just as Barbara was, however, this cheap shot was quite unnecessary, hurtful and just blatantly disrespectful. A.) what in all of the fucks does my dress size have to do with my capacity to learn and absorb knowledge? How does the size of my waistline interfere with my ability to think critically and speak eloquently? How AT ALL does my lack of curves or bigger breast or a thicker rump equate to me not having enough brain space to be considered worthy of communicating with another human being? All of this makes me invaluable as a person and completely worthless?
Again I ask….BISH WHET?
Ok….ok….maybe I’m reading too deeply into the ill intentioned “joke”. Maybe ol’ girl thought she was the next Mo’Nique (the comedienne not me). Perhaps she thought she was on comicview and was tryna get these laughs off for the one time….idk. But I will exercise some chill here.
Another reason that perhaps the nasty comment left me feeling a way is that this type of destructive and hateful speech is something I’ve experienced first hand my whole life and its had a profound and deep effect on my self esteem and self image. It is not easy being thin framed….the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Big girls HATE skinny girls and frankly Idk why! I say we all just hit Popeye’s and bond over a few biscuits and chicken but I guess I’m the loner on that idea. Cant we all just get along?
Now I’m sure there’s some deeply rooted issues for you more rotund ladies which has caused this outpouring of hate for us less than ample gals. Perhaps there was a frail prepubescent little girl in your respective elementary school that tormented you daily because of your size. Perhaps the boys in high school had a colorful list of adjectives to describe you according solely to your weight and shape. However, I’m also certain that I was none of those people….so what gives you the right to take your hurt out on me? Especially if you are as confident in your plumpness as you’re begging Facebook and Instagram to believe (shout out to alllllllllll your face shots and “real men go for curves” posts….no body shots though?….I guess girl….I guess)
Listen I get it….you see Vogue and Elle and Harpers Bazaar with these waif thin models and you see the media and fashion industry cater to this type of woman and you think no one respects you. However ma’am you are sorely mistaken. First of all those models are not even human beings they were manufactured at a factory. (I kid but I mean seriously….they aren’t real).
See you are afforded at least some respect….some sense of boundaries. No stranger is telling you that you should lay off the cheeseburgers….however every day of my life I’m being offered some form of a meal because I “look anorexic”. Disrespectful much? You young lady, are not bombarded with questions about your weight in an open forum conversation and then ridiculed immediately after because apparently no one has weighed under 115 lbs since they were in kindergarten. Sweet miss, people don’t feel comfortable in coming up to you and telling you how fat you look on that particular day as if all you’ve done is eat for your entire existence with no break. “Oh girl you looking fat today, have you gained weight? Damn bitch Did you eat EVERYTHING?“. Nah….you don’t get that type of blatant disrespect on a daily basis. But me….I have to explain why I am thin every single day and give a detailed account of my diet to complete strangers. Look, I’m not saying you don’t experience your own set of struggles….we’re all fighting some type of battle….I’m saying why contribute to the already negative atmosphere? Body shaming, slut shaming, victim shaming, marriage shaming (reinforcing the archaic idea that a woman is nothing until she is a wife) it all needs to end.
Maybe I’m just some new aged hippy feminist but I truly believe in sisterhood and uplifting my fellow woman. We already have an uphill battle just being women and ESPECIALLY for women of color. Why cant we start healing each other? Complimenting another woman will not kill you ladies and I promise it will not decrease your worth….it will actually add to your face value. You can have the best body, face, be a pure virgin and prepared to be a perfect wife but if your attitude Is negative, your spirit is nasty and your inability to see the beauty in another person who may not look anything like you is ever present….then really I must ask….what good are you?
Also I just want to add if you share the same sentiments as the young lady who boldly and matter-of-factly declared
“Pay no attention to skinny girls they have no brain” then I have a student loan bill with your name on it and your ass can have this damn degree….fuck outta here with that nonsense.
P.s. It took me like 3 hours to write and edit this because I was sitting here stuffing my face with leftover Carrabba’s and various snacks. Now I’m about to lay down without exercising and by the time I get up to get my Hagen Daaz Vanilla Swiss Almond ice cream from the freezer I’m sure my insanely fast metabolism will have burned up that meal I just inhaled. You mad? Fight me about it!!!!No Shade though 😉 #IknowYouCare
Peace, blessing love and Popeye’s to you all!