Statik Contribution : Is Marriage The Goal? Or Nah?

*This post is a contribution from @Forever_Moniiii, A good kee kee girlfriend to the site.*

 

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Disclaimer: Let Me start by saying I work at a jewelry store. I sell engagement rings ๐Ÿ’. I sell happily ever afters๐Ÿ’. It is literally apart of my job description to sell the benefits of marriage and commitment so that spending 10’s of thousands of dollars on a bridal set and wedding band for him is not only appropriate but absolutely necessary to the longevity of one’s relationship. I am an integral part of a couples story on their road to “I do๐Ÿ’’”. I get marriage. I’ve seen about a 95% success rate in many examples throughout my life. I’m not anti-marriage. Actually, I think it’s quite beautiful.

Now that we’ve gotten all the pleasant shit out of the way, let me just go ahead and Dive in (word to trey songs).

 

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This meme is one I’ve seen many times. From The Facebook to The Instagram to The Twitters, I’ve been accosted several times daily by this fucking meme all over these interwebs. Just so we’re clear, I hate it๐Ÿ˜ :evil:. I think it’s absolute rubbish. Pure pooh ๐Ÿ’ฉ. It actually infuriates me. The idea that one is only deserving of love, happiness, companionship, etc….through marriage….Bish โœ‹….Whet? Well that’s just plain old offensive and narrow minded! Now obviously I get what the message is here. Why be with someone you see no future with? Valid inquiry…. And I agree with this. Why would you waste time with someone you don’t even see yourself liking within the next month or so. Got it. However, the phrasing is what pisses me off. Why is the assumption that the goal for every romantic relationship is by default, marriage? And furthermore, why is it that because that’s what you feel your future looks like, that’s also what my big picture should feature? How does this make any sense? This type of thinking mandates that if you see adopting 20 cats in your future, I should see that for mine as well or I’m just wrong in this life. Nevermind the fact that I’m allergic to cats, let’s just focus on the fact that I’on like em….At all. That’s just how I feel…. Am I wrong because for my own reasoning I don’t particularly care for cats and thus I don’t engage in adopting them? No?…. Ok so how am I wrong for not wanting to get married for my own reasoning just because you are or want to be married? Perhaps I’m allergic to it! I could be. You don’t know. You don’t know my life, B ๐Ÿ˜…..pardon my dramatics but for reals…. you can’t tell me what’s right for my life and my future anymore than I can make those decisions for you. Marriage is in your future? Mazel tov. I’ll happily come to your wedding drunk boots ๐Ÿธ hitting my chicken head ๐Ÿ’ƒin a celebratory fashion with no hesitancy. But DO NOT in return, try to push me down the aisle as well or condemn me to a life of side-eyes and shade when I tell you to get off my back. Trust, These are not the problems you want. Much like my pimp hand, my shade game is strong ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜’๐ŸŒด๐ŸŒด

Now this meme stirred many thoughts in my mind and the one that i felt was most powerful was the fact this quote was created by a man and although not directly gender specific, seems to be targeted at women, or perhaps it’s just that i see ONLY women posting and re posting this drivel. It sent me off into another head space and here’s where I landed. Strap on your seat belt as this portion of my rant may cause some turbulence.

So much of a woman’s identity is inherently dependent upon her marital status and the amount of children she bears. And quite frankly I’m Goddamn sick of it. In daily general conversation it’s not my career aspirations, recent travels, my opinion on foreign policy, sports, cartoons etc. That I’m asked about but rather….when I’m going to get married/have kids. Now I don’t see my male counterparts getting flat out asked when they’re gonna get hitched and knock a woman up but apparently this is appropriate to ask me, a woman. But you know, I get it. Im nearing that ripe old age of 30 :o๐Ÿ˜ฐ where it is almost an unbearable tragedy if I’m not married and pregnant before going over the hill into the abyss of old age๐Ÿ˜ต. Also, I’ve been in a fairly stable relationship for a while as well, so of course we’re at the point where we should be deciding if we want to be together for the next couple of forevers or not ๐Ÿ˜ฎ. Usually My reply to this invasion of my life and womb is *Neverary 37th, 2000 and the 99*๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ฉ. I kid….I kid, but I mean It’s come to the point where it’s no longer a decision a woman makes for herself but more so an expectation, NAY, a requirement for full membership into womanhood. If a woman CHOOSES that her path to happiness does not include marriage and/or children, the negative stigma hangs over her head like a cloud of farts, just uncomfortable, embarrassing, enraging and rude no matter how wonderful her life may be. I can attest to this as even some of my closest friends/family/strangers kinda look down on me because of the stance I’ve taken on marriage for my life at this juncture of 27 years young. No matter how it’s covered by admissions of understanding, the slight stench of judgment is quite apparent. It stinks BTW ๐Ÿ˜•

Take Oprah for example, arguably the most powerful woman (human) on the planet and probably in history itself. She’s done things our minds can’t even begin to grasp. She’s seen the world in the most spectacular way. She’s helped heal our world on a level unmatched. She did all of these things and more while making a very conscious decision to not get married to longtime companion and life mate Stedman Graham. I hear more about this decision than anything else. Why? Why is it that this woman has broken barriers, climbed the highest mountains, CHANGED GODDAMNED HISTORY, and yet her marital status essentially has made her less of a woman to many? And moreover, why is no one analyzing why Stedman is apparently wasting his time on a woman that refuses to make him an “honest man”? Is he settling? That is fucking interesting indeed ๐Ÿ˜

Feminism to me has always had it’s roots in the idea of equality for all but also in a womans right to choose what her happiness is and pursue it unapologetically. That voids the concept that happiness is a cookie cutter experience.

Now Where one couple may need to put on stunts and shows in the most traditional and obvious way to cement their commitment, Another couple’s commitment may come in the form of going out into nature, with God & the person that for them, gives love a real tangible meaning and committing to just each other. No legal documents, no preacher man, no hullabaloo. They may require no formal label other than Happy. Why is that wrong and furthermore why does this weigh so heavily on the worth of the woman? Is that love any less valid? Is that commitment void? Is she settling (because deep down every woman wants to get married and have babies and is lying to herself if she believes I otherwise) ๐Ÿ˜’ <—-sarcasm anyone? Is this Going against God’s perfect design? Is she doomed to an existence of irreparable despair because she doesn’t have or want a husband? Does she deserve to spend her days alone? Is she not worthy of all the amazing benefits of love and companionship because marriage is not on her to do list? Is her living in vain? I have Real inquiries here!!!!

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The quote “If marriage isn’t the goal why are you dating” {which can be read as} “Girl If you’re not trying to get married why are you spending your time with someone, even if they are great and you adore them and there’s a mutual understanding & respect & love for each other just with no immediate plans to be betrothed. Even tho you guys JUST MET like 7 months ago, what are you waiting for. You should know within the first five minutes if you want to marry him, you moron. You’re biological clock is ticking and you won’t be pretty forever…. HURRY UP.” that is so restrictive. When questions like that are posed my answers are….perhaps I enjoy the Companionship, the mutual respect, the support, friendship, love, happiness all things that can most certainly be achieved and sustained sans a marriage license…. Sure it may not be wrapped in the archaic packaging of traditional, white gown, church house marriage…. But how can you tell anyone that because they haven’t signed the legal documents, their love, their happiness, their commitment to another is invalid and is worth less than that of a married couple or not worth anything at all? And how can you base that on European Christian religious views that have been given to you? I just hope y’all keep this in mind….other cultures, religions who oppose much of Christianity’s teachings, and even Atheist…. they all get married too and some don’t even require the signing of any legal documents. In some parts of the world if your families exchange two chickens and a goat, you’re married. But I guess God only recognizes Christian marriages tho ๐Ÿ˜‡. But that’s a different subject that i plan on never getting into because there’s no way to sensibly have that conversation. Listen man, I’m not player hating. Get married. Have babies. Build a wonderful life. Be happy. But understand that you will never be happy by putting someone else down. Be the best you possible and please extend me the respect & opportunity to flourish in my greatness, even if I CHOOSE to be or NOT to be Mrs. Monique Greatness.

Side note: None of this craziness really matters because If Drake proposes to me I’ll be Mrs. Aubrey Graham with no second thought and I swear y’all won’t be able to tell me Shit ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

PEACE โœŒ and BLESSINGS ๐Ÿ™

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2 thoughts on “Statik Contribution : Is Marriage The Goal? Or Nah?

  1. Me personally, I feel like its a choice all your own. Marriage is only a commitment that society pushes on individuals who choose to have an extended relationship. As Ive personally learned, people do change and certain choices dont always seem to make the same impact as they once did. I can honestly say that at one point in my life I followed EXACTLY, to a T, what socitey’s handbook had layed out for a young man’s life. Where did that get me? Unhappy, in the middle of divorce, and still trying to find my own sanity pushing 30. In any case, religion doesnt seem to play much of a role either but people claim this and that but dont fully grasp the concept. People get married like its just something to do and then it’s over…just like that. So as younger generations see this, what then becomes societys’ norm?

    In any case, this was well written and you SLAYED as Statik Magg’ first contributor. I look forward to keeping u aboard for future kee kee’s! ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜˜

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  2. Wow. Very well written! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ I love the writers sarcasm, enthusiasm, questions and points she brought to the table. It made me think about how I may come off to others who may not believe what I believe in or share the same values. So I thank Monique for that .. opening some eyes and making us readers reflect. I do think it’s okay to break “traditions” and I will continue to hold onto my Christian beliefs as it relates to marriage, because that’s what’s best for me. Lastly, I think we all can agree with Monique’s last point, โœจ”Be happy … Understand you’ll never be happy putting someone else down … Be the best you possible and extend the respect..” !! โœจAmen. ๐Ÿ˜Š ~AshleYYY

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